Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
