i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
