Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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