Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
