Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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