FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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