Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
