No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Boobs speak an international language.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
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