I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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