You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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