Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
