Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
