Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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