So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
