Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
