I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
