I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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