Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I need moral support for this bender
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
