I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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