I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
