I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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