Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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