North Korea, Best Korea!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
