the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
