u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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