There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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