We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
