ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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