I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
