You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
