So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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