As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
