So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
