when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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