my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
