so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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