I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
