I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
