oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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