I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
