Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
