U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
