just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
