I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
