I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
