I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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