YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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