I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
