I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
What a dumb baby whore.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
