Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I AM VODKA MAN
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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