i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
