great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
