I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
