guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
