I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
