I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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