While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize