so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
