broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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