"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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