She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
