that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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