I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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