If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
