Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
