i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
