Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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