sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
