or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
