Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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