to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
