can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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