Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
