"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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